MOVING FORWARD

This seems so simple, yet do we really take the time to do this? Or is it just "some saying" on a T-Shirt? For me & my hubby no, this is not a saying but our new way of life....God loves us and is here for us, we should "cast our cares on HIM"  We do, we have come to learn that when we do this and literally Keep It Simple and remember Jesus died for us; well we don't have the right to fret & worry.

Yes, easy to say and honestly not hard to do. Obedience & Faith & Trust....it's not rocket science y'all; feels so good to be on the same page with my hubby and to know we honestly have GENUINE PEACE in this house. Our kids are growing and moving on....Chris just received his promotion at work after much hard work, Amber is testing for the Columbus OH Police Department, Steven is working hard at two Restaurants and just received a raise. I can't take liberty to talk about Tiffany or her family; don't want to tread on their privacy. Just saying it sure feels good and GOD is totally awesome so glad we live this way now.

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." ~ PSALM 32:7

DISCOVERY & ACCEPTANCE

Hello again! I have now Graduated IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) and I have learned so much and yes accepted some things.

 Learning & Acceptance go hand in hand when you are diagnosed with a Mental Illness. The main thing to understand is that there is a Societal Stigma when you say "Mental Illness" thanks in part to Television & Movies that really portray Mental Illness in a poor light. Don't get me wrong there have been some great shows on Television and Great Movies on the subject...unfortunately what gets remembered is the Negative Aspects. Another Societal Stigma is
"Bi-Polar Illness"  - do you know that there are varying forms of Bi-Polar Illness? Yes there sure are! Why am I focusing on this? Well, I have been Diagnosed with Bi-Polar2 Illness.  I am not Bi-Polar1 where sometimes the Mania is such that it leads to Psychotic and Destructive Episodes and on the other Spectrum in can lead to extreme depression and suicide going beyond just thoughts.  Now I am not saying one is better than the other because: Bi-Polar2 has Mania, and Depression..sometimes you can have suicidal thoughts and act upon them. For me I learned that I tend to Rapid Cycle when there is a lot of stress in my life and when I don't eat right and don't sleep. Rapid Cycling is like being on  a Roller Coaster, if you will......Really charged up excited mood, then down the hill to depression then right back up that hill to "excitedness".

So there you have it. I learned how to "channel that Manic energy" into something good and productive by learning my "triggers" I did the same about the "depression side" too by learning my "triggers". For anyone close to me who wants to know what is going on PLEASE ASK ME; hopefully you are NOT just reading stuff here and there and assuming you know what is going on with me. I AM TOTALLY NOT THINKING ANYONE CLOSE TO ME IS DOING THAT; BUT IF SOMEONE IS; ALL I CAN SAY IS: " THAT IS A TRAVESTY"...TALK TO ME IT'S OK.  Did you know another name for Bi-Polar Illness no matter if it is 1 or 2 is: Manic-Depressive Illness.

Do you also know there are a LOT of famous people who suffer from Manic-Depressive Illness? Here are just a few:
Edgar Allan Poe
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Theodore Gericault - French Romantic Painter
Gustav Mahler- Austrian Composer
Tennessee Williams
Van Gogh
Source for this information was obtained from reading "TOUCHED WITH FIRE" by KAY REDFIELD JAMISON. This is an awesome book if you are close to me or know someone with Manic-Depressive Illness  (Bi-Polar)- do yourself a favor and read this book.

Another great book for the person diagnosed with Manic-Depressive Illness (Bi-Polar) is:
THE BIPOLAR DISORDER SURVIVAL GUIDE - What You and Your Family Need to Know by DAVID J. MIKLOWITZ, PhD

I have totally ACCEPTED that Bi-Polar2 is part of my life, and that I WILL need to be on medications the rest of my life and honestly it is NOT such a bad thing.

I am very creative & productive, and I do contribute positively to Society. As long as I use my tools, and communicate with my safe inner circle of support I can have a great life and so can those around me. LET ME JUST SAY THIS - IT IS A COMBINATION OF MY KNOWLEDGE, THE TOOLS I HAVE LEARNED, THE WONDERFUL PSYCHIATRIC DEPARTMENT OF KAISER VALLEJO,  MY CLOSE FRIENDS & THEIR PRAYERS, MY HUSBAND, MY SON CHRIS, MY SON STEVEN, MY MOM, MY UNCLE GROVER, MY CHURCH FAMILY @ TFH VACAVILLE,  & MOST IMPORTANTLY KNOWING THAT GOD WILL LOVE ME THROUGH THIS NOW AND ALWAYS STRENGTHENS ME TO MY CORE.  THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

 

 

I hope this clarifies some things now.

 

Much Love & God's Blessings

to you all

 

 



DEPRESSION & BIPOLARISIM

 

 

So, I hit that proverbial "wall" I never really understood what "that" saying meant until now. Boy, I not only hit the wall but slid right on over the edge.

 

It is time for ME to take care of ME - no this is not selfish; God even encourages us to take care of ourselves. If we cannot take care of & love ourselves then how can we love others as God loves us?

 

 

PSALM 42:3  SAYS:

My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, "where is your God?"

I KNOW MY GOD IS RIGHT HERE IN TH TEARS WITH ME.

 

I do know and believe PSALM 42:3

 

I do believe God for HIS love and healing and most of all HIS Grace - especially right now, right here, right in this very moment - I know I don't have HIS power but I can choose Not To Quit - Quitting is NOT an option! So enemy, get back because MY GOD HAS ME  and there is NO ROOM for you or your lies!

 

 

ROMANS 12:2

Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what GOD wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to HIM and wha is perfect.

 

ROMANS 13:11-12

and do this, knowing the time that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness and let us put on the armor of light.

 

My Darkness is depression the dictionary defines depression as follows:

 

de·pres·sion

- noun

1. depressing or being depressed

2. area lower than the surrounding one

3. sadness or gloom

4. period of decline in business activity and employment

 

As this was not enough I have been told I am Bipolar....ok Bipolar is defined as:

bi·po·lar

[bahy-poh-ler]

- adjective

1. having two poles, as the earth

2. of, pertaining to, or found at both polar regions

3. characterized by opposite extremes, as two conflicting political philosophies

4. of or pertaining to a transistor that uses both positive and negative charge carriers

 

OK so that is the Dictionary definition; here is the medical dictionary definition:

What Is Bipolar I Disorder ?

Bipolar I Disorder is a type of bipolar disorder. It is an illness that can be severe and disabling, and affects about 1% of the population. People with Bipolar I Disorder experience intense emotional states called “mood episodes,” which are also called relapses or recurrences. More than 90% of people with Bipolar I Disorder experience these episodes repeatedly in their lifetimes. It’s the recurrence of mood episodes that characterizes Bipolar I Disorder .

Some symptoms of the different mood episodes that can occur are:

• Manic episode: irritability; high involvement in risky behavior; racing thoughts
  
• Depressive episode: extremely sad, hopeless, and despairing
  
• Mixed episode: Combination of manic and depressive symptoms

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT; WHAT I WAS JUST INFORMED OF LAST FRIDAY....

then we have a long weekend and no therapy session today, Monday; but the group leaders left us with an action plan & phone #'s incase we need "help" - I am very thankful for ALL of this.  You know something; this is a whole lot to absorb & digest and there is "no quick fix" I did not "arrive at this point" overnight and it won't be "fixed" overnight either.

So yes, for the person going through this (in this case ME) it's very hard to navigate, confusing, etc. I can't even imagine what it is like for my immediate family and my friends an co-workers.....I always have been told "you are strong, you are like the glue that holds us together, you have a cheery disposition..."

Well, the bottom (mine) fell out and I'm "free fallin" I KNOW GOD WILL CATCH ME. I need LOVE, SPPORT, UNDERSTANDING, FORGIVENESS & GOD'S GRACE right now. (in case any of you were "wondering" at this point)

 

I KNOW ONE OF THE REASONS I HAVE HELD ON FOR SO LONG:

 

ROMANS 10:13

Everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved.

 

GOD LOVES ME

 

Also I have a husband who loves me very much. I have 3 kids that love me, a step daughter that loves me, a brother that loves me, parents who love me....and a boat load of friends too!

 

 Let's not forget my 3 fur babies who would be lost without me: Buddy, Sadie Rose & Beau....& what about my flowers out front and back? So, please don't think that "I will give up or quit" nope, no way!

 

As Pastor Dave from my loving church (The Father's House Vacaville) put it: "I'm goin to Rome!"

 (check out the archives on TFH.org to see what I'm talking about 8-26-12)

 

 

Even in this "season of darkness" I have a lot to be greatful and thankful for; and I give glory, thanks & praise to GOD every day. 

 

 These last two scripture verses kind of help me to "put it in" some kind of perspective:

 

EPHESIANS 2:10

For we are HIS workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

 

&

 

JEREMIAH 29:11

For I know the ghoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of Peace and Not of evil, to Give you a Future and Hope.

 

 

God Bless You All & in case I have not said so lately or maybe at all:

I love you all and am very thankful for you too.

 

In God's Love,

 

Jeannette 9/3/2012





The Call

"Flee from youthful passions, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." - 2 Timothy 2:22
Received a call the other day....thanking me for my generosity.....I could only reply with "I followed what Jesus lead me to do" You see it was not about me, no; it was a Leap Of Faith ~ to be the person Jesus has shown me I can be~ it was about loving my fellow man, woman, and child ~ so if my gift assisted any of God's Children in need then I am forever thankful for being lead to do what I did.  I to quote Pastor Tim ~ got off that "spiritual treadmill" and engaged in "the race". Every morning I on purpose spend time in "the Lord's Word" I on purpose "give thanks and praise"  I on purpose "bless everything" I am not writing this to "glorify myself" I have been so humbled in the presence of God. This is to merely give examples of the awesome "paradime shift" that is taking place in my life. You see, God IS in the very center of everything I do now....everything. You know what that is the coolest thing ever!!! You know what else? It is not hard at all....in fact it is harder to live without God in my life then it is to ask him to be the very center of it. I would hear that and not receive it...let me tell you....through much study and learning and growing....yea buddy, I RECEIVE IT ALWAYS! So back to the call ~ we have a yearly Community Giving Campaign at work.....my husband and I talked about it and prayed about it and were led to give to The Vacaville Storehouse ~ God said it, we did it ~ it just is. We did it for God's kingdom not for our self gratification. The awesome thing is this my employer matched our gift....now that is God's work 10 fold! So i have learned that if you to quote Pastor Tim "get off the spiritual treadmill and get in the race ~ great things happen"  Good positive loving things happen, you grow in your faith, you exude the love of Christ because it is inside of you and it overflows and goes to others....and all you have to do is receive it and walk in faith and run to Jesus and he will help you win the race.  I tell you this my friends Jesus LOVES YOU - YES YOU right where you are it does not matter what you have or dont have....how about this love for Jesus The Holy Spirit & God....yea that works. Have a blessed day everyone Jesus LOVES YOU all the time!

WORDS

Words can heal, hurt, destroy, transform,love.....
I know my words have done damage sometimes, there is a point when it spews out and you realize that your words have become "word vomit" as I have heard that term several times in passing. Our tongues are powerful things. I have also come to find out that in the pursual of my walk with the Lord - people have had a lot of words for me some good some bad, some not to my face but that I have overheard. We all have words, but it's what we use them for that matters. For me, I am going to walk closely with God and learn how to talk all over again and be intentional about having love in my heart and not negativity because what is in my heart overflows out of me and through my words. I am not saying that everything will be Rosey or Peachy Keen.....no, but what I CHOOSE TO SAY AND NOT SAY will be kinder and gentler to the best of my ability - with the guidance from God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit.

A dear friend left this Poem on my Face Book Page and I would like to share it now with you:
When I say I am a Christian....

When I say ..."I'm a Christian" I'm not shouting I am saved" I am whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way"

When I say..."I am a Christian" I dont speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need someone to be my guide.
~Tina Rigney~

Those are beautiful words! I have promised God that I will follow him where he leads and I will be more aware of what is in my heart which flows from my mouth I will guard my heart always for I have come to now live in God's mighty Stronghold and I never want to go back to the Stronghold of the world.

In the Bible in the Book of Proverbs Chapter 26 Verses 18 - 19 says this:
People who shrug off deliberate deeptions, saying, "I didn't mean it, I was only joking," Are worse than careless campers who walk away from smoldering campfires. ~ what I take from these verses is this: once you say the hurtful "jabs" at someone they stick and just because you said "just kidding" well that does not erase the pain and sometimes without you knowing what seemed to you as harmless may stick with that person like a smoldering fire that grows into some really bad stuff - when in turn it could have been avoided completely....I will proactive in searching my heart and doing some weeding.

This is the Road I am now headed down:

Philppians 3:12 - 14 Focused on the Goal (Msg. Bible)

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wonderously reached out for me. Friends, don't get we wrong. By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I am not turning back.

Have a great day everyone and may helpful, healing loving words flow from you today.

Dont Stray

I am here to tell you that my Friday was a "hot mess" as the younger generation says. Oh well I did NOT start my day in prayer and forgot to take any of my meds; and forgot to walk with Jesus during the day, work was hecktic, then came home had a flood in the kitchen.......'

Sound familiar?  It just goes to show "don't stray" from Intentionally spending time with God - when we try to Lead Ourselves; well things get well "yucky". i mean i totally dampened the mood of 5 people who are near and dear to me last night and the sad thing is the "actions" cannot be undone. I did get myself together and apologize but what is done is done. i messed up.

I have learned this: face the matter head on, own up to your part, apologize where needed, ask those who are affected for forgivenss, go to God & confess, ask God for forgiveness, spend some time in prayer then know that God is with you ALWAYS - HE just is - Agape Love - and do what you should be doingas a child of God. HUMILITY is a wonderful thing - being humble is PRICELESS. Being in the center of God's Stronghold is even more amazing!!!!!

I was operating in fear:
F -alse
E -veidence
A -ppearing
R -eal
yucky place to live and it's full of stinkin thinkin......eeewwwww

We must Guard our Hearts every day: The Amplified Bible: Matthew 26:41 All of you must keep awake (give strict attention, be cautious and awake) and WATCH and PRAY, that you may not come into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Message Bible: Luke 8:15 - "But the seed in the good earth-these are the good-hearts who seize the Word and hold on NO MATTER WHAT, sticking with it until there's a harvest" - my thoughts: yep and I want to be in that harvest; I am going to stick with this- sure it's hard work but hard work is worth it- we win in God.

So my friends; today is a new day that God has made and I will be glad-yes I will, and I will rejoice in it; how about you?

All for now

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES

This is our S2S Group

We meet on Tuesday Mornings with Beth Kinder;
Katie was not here - we missed you!








Oh my goodness what a journey this has become! I can tell you this: God IS Love; HIS Love IS in me; HIS Love flows through me and pours out to others! God IS so BIG & VAST this is so amazing once you grasp it!

It's so is not about "me" or what "I" can do or percieve.....NO! It's about what GOD IS doing in & through me via HIM!!!!  I love our group of "Cracked Pots" we are all one of a kind and God made us this way ON PURPOSE - did you hear me? I SAID GOD MADE US ALL CRACKED POTS AND ALL, EACH ONE OF US ONE OF A KIND ON PURPOSE!!!!  I have learned and taken so much from each wonderful lady in this group! Through God's opening our hearts and invting us to LEAVE THE STRONGHOLDS OF THE WORLD AND TO COME INTO FOREVER HIS LOVING SAFE GOOD STRONGHOLD we each have embarked on a wonderful Journey of becoming free in God.

Oh we are not through yet with this wonderful study with the most awesome woman who wrote it through God's guidance....no we have a couple of weeks left.  I know for me; I am NOT the same woman who began this study......no, I have changed....I am now intentional about spending time in the Word and Intentional about Spending Time with MY GOD.....

There is more to come....stay tuned

God Bless you Beth Kinder, and I thank God for leading me to The Father's House in Vacaville, CA

Customer Service

I know that God wilIl take care of all things- I know this! So why on earth did I let the enemy in while I was dealing with Avon Customer Service? I know why, I truly do: I did not start my morning in prayer....so I was not mentally or spiritually ready to deal with this. Not good! I also missed my class on nutrition and healthy life styles to "deal with" this Avon mess. OK now I "could let this ruin my day" or "I could sit my big ol behind down at Gods feet and ask for salvation"  I am choosing the latter - This day will NOT be ruined or taken away by the enemy. I will call Kaiser and reschedule my Nutrition/Healthy Lifestyles Class and I WILL BE IN A RIGHT MINDSET FOR WORK TODAY.

For you see; that second choice is one born of knowing that GOD LOVES ME & I "LIVE IN" HIS LOVE & GRACE EVERYDAY- EVERY STINKIN DAY! HOW COOL IS THAT?!

God Bless you all and have a great week!

I Wanna Know What Love Is

There is Love then there is "Love" then there is "Biblical Love" Wow who knew LOVE had so many types? There is conditional love: "if you love me you will do...." "unless you love me you wouldn't do..."  Then here is Unconditional love: it just is; no condiions, no rules, "it just is". Oh then the Biblical Love:

 Agape: n. love; active love (the word active meands to PRODUCE) -- Agape`:God is Love -- The agape heart cannot stop being a heart; it is just PRODUCING itself, a heart. It cannot change; it will ALWAYS be a heart.
Agapao: v. to love the word "to" indicates MOVEMENT towards a person, place, or thing --- Agapao: Man is to love one another
The NOUN Love cannot cange what it is, cannot stop what it is, cannot refuse what it is, cannot withhold what it is
The VERB love at anytime it can: begin to give love, it can stop showing love, it can withhold love, it can reject love.

So thank you Beth Kinder, I borrowed that above;  from stronghold to STRONGHOLD.

Most of yesteray: Proverbs 31:30: Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be grealy praised. NLT
kept coming up for me. Some people see the phrase "fears the Lord" as a type of deep love for the Lord or out of a deep love for the Lord.

So what IS Love for me?
 Well, it is a great mutual respect of one another be it a friendship or a couple. gratitude, strenghth, feeling accepted wanting to just do good things and be in company of good people - to just "love on" accept others as God himself has accepted us. It is not to say that because we love we will not get hurt, or suffer loss - but it is "what we choose to do with it - that makes the difference."

I am not by any means finished with week 3 of stronghold to STRONGHOLD; but what I have learned so far is this: There is this great LOVE that God has for us; it does NOT take a rocket scientist to figure out how to get it; we just need to choose to stop standing in our own way and go take from the tree of Love or the Fruit of the Spirit of Love that God has given us.

Don't forget to remember this: Until you forgive you cannot love.

~ Have a great rest of your week ~

My Path

So I am in week 2 of the Small Group - Bible Study stronghold to STRONGHOLD. I really am disocovering a lot about myself and my walk with God.

In so reading this passage: "Walking with her copanion removed the desire to even go down that old path; which she knew was real victory."
 Upon finishing reading that I hear:
 "Jeannette take my hand"
me- "what?"
again - "Jeannette take my hand"
Me- "Why?"
-- "You need to take my hand - you say you trust me"
Me "OK (reaching out my hand)"
then silence, so I read those lines again
Then I see myself walking down this dirt path; just me walking and walking, the path becomes muddy and gooey and hard to walk through; I look back and there is nothing there; everything is gone
then I hear it:
--"take my hand - follow me"
This time no hesitation;  I "take the hand" and walk and walk. The road is less muddy less gooey easier to traverse.
I then see something float away and I ask "what was that?" Answer: "your doubt"
 more walking.....then I see something else float away..."what's that?" Answer: "your shame" walking walking....
 I ask "what's your name?" Answer: "your redeemer - follow me"
More silence ~Then this is what I hear:

"If you really love me and if you completely turst in me stay this path with me- let go of your quickness to "strike-out" at others - HEAR them, SEE them; LOOK to ME for hope and help."

That was it! Wow!
 So down this path so far: doubt and shame have been taken; and I need to be careful of my responses to people and learn to trust.

Wow! this is powerful stuff and I am happy to be on this New Journey!

WELCOME

Hello and welcome. I am very new to blogging. I have been inspired by a really awesome lady - you know who you are. So this blog is about my Amazing New Journey I am on. About a year and a half ago I just felt like there was something still missing from my life; well it is a Relationship with my Redeemer; Jesus Christ. I can tell you that so far this last year and half has been one eye opening awakening journey. I now feel comfortable sharing.

I am going to ask just a few simple things:
Please post none of the following: negativty, hate, judgement, foul language. This is just my journey being shared and if this blog is "Not your thing" please just quietly and politely move on. I know we can ALL exist peacefully & respectfully even here in Cyber Space.

With that I would just like to share this:
Mark 12: 42-44
And a widow who was poverty - stricken came and put in two copper mites (the smallest of coins) which make up 1/2 a cent. And HE called HIS disciples(to HIM)and said to them, Truely and Surely, I tell you, this widow, who is poverty stricken has put in more than all those contributing. For they all threw in out of their abundance; BUT SHE, OUT OF HER DEEP POVERTY has put in everything she had - (even) all she had on which to live.

This past week in speaking with someone about maybe coming to The Father's House where I attend she says to me "I would come, but when the offering plate is passed I am uneasy, I don't have much to give" I have found that at times to be where I am too, so I give what I have no matter how "little" I perceive it to be. What I have learned is this Jesus says and our church believes: "Come to me just as you are" that's it - just as you are....and "follow me as I follow". To start; that's what you need to know - just come, be in the presence Of God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit.

Again, this was just my welcome and a little reflection of something that transpired this week. No names need mentioning; just my thoughts.
Thank you for taking this Journey with me as I peel back my "onion layers"