DISCOVERY & ACCEPTANCE

Hello again! I have now Graduated IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) and I have learned so much and yes accepted some things.

 Learning & Acceptance go hand in hand when you are diagnosed with a Mental Illness. The main thing to understand is that there is a Societal Stigma when you say "Mental Illness" thanks in part to Television & Movies that really portray Mental Illness in a poor light. Don't get me wrong there have been some great shows on Television and Great Movies on the subject...unfortunately what gets remembered is the Negative Aspects. Another Societal Stigma is
"Bi-Polar Illness"  - do you know that there are varying forms of Bi-Polar Illness? Yes there sure are! Why am I focusing on this? Well, I have been Diagnosed with Bi-Polar2 Illness.  I am not Bi-Polar1 where sometimes the Mania is such that it leads to Psychotic and Destructive Episodes and on the other Spectrum in can lead to extreme depression and suicide going beyond just thoughts.  Now I am not saying one is better than the other because: Bi-Polar2 has Mania, and Depression..sometimes you can have suicidal thoughts and act upon them. For me I learned that I tend to Rapid Cycle when there is a lot of stress in my life and when I don't eat right and don't sleep. Rapid Cycling is like being on  a Roller Coaster, if you will......Really charged up excited mood, then down the hill to depression then right back up that hill to "excitedness".

So there you have it. I learned how to "channel that Manic energy" into something good and productive by learning my "triggers" I did the same about the "depression side" too by learning my "triggers". For anyone close to me who wants to know what is going on PLEASE ASK ME; hopefully you are NOT just reading stuff here and there and assuming you know what is going on with me. I AM TOTALLY NOT THINKING ANYONE CLOSE TO ME IS DOING THAT; BUT IF SOMEONE IS; ALL I CAN SAY IS: " THAT IS A TRAVESTY"...TALK TO ME IT'S OK.  Did you know another name for Bi-Polar Illness no matter if it is 1 or 2 is: Manic-Depressive Illness.

Do you also know there are a LOT of famous people who suffer from Manic-Depressive Illness? Here are just a few:
Edgar Allan Poe
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Theodore Gericault - French Romantic Painter
Gustav Mahler- Austrian Composer
Tennessee Williams
Van Gogh
Source for this information was obtained from reading "TOUCHED WITH FIRE" by KAY REDFIELD JAMISON. This is an awesome book if you are close to me or know someone with Manic-Depressive Illness  (Bi-Polar)- do yourself a favor and read this book.

Another great book for the person diagnosed with Manic-Depressive Illness (Bi-Polar) is:
THE BIPOLAR DISORDER SURVIVAL GUIDE - What You and Your Family Need to Know by DAVID J. MIKLOWITZ, PhD

I have totally ACCEPTED that Bi-Polar2 is part of my life, and that I WILL need to be on medications the rest of my life and honestly it is NOT such a bad thing.

I am very creative & productive, and I do contribute positively to Society. As long as I use my tools, and communicate with my safe inner circle of support I can have a great life and so can those around me. LET ME JUST SAY THIS - IT IS A COMBINATION OF MY KNOWLEDGE, THE TOOLS I HAVE LEARNED, THE WONDERFUL PSYCHIATRIC DEPARTMENT OF KAISER VALLEJO,  MY CLOSE FRIENDS & THEIR PRAYERS, MY HUSBAND, MY SON CHRIS, MY SON STEVEN, MY MOM, MY UNCLE GROVER, MY CHURCH FAMILY @ TFH VACAVILLE,  & MOST IMPORTANTLY KNOWING THAT GOD WILL LOVE ME THROUGH THIS NOW AND ALWAYS STRENGTHENS ME TO MY CORE.  THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

 

 

I hope this clarifies some things now.

 

Much Love & God's Blessings

to you all

 

 



DEPRESSION & BIPOLARISIM

 

 

So, I hit that proverbial "wall" I never really understood what "that" saying meant until now. Boy, I not only hit the wall but slid right on over the edge.

 

It is time for ME to take care of ME - no this is not selfish; God even encourages us to take care of ourselves. If we cannot take care of & love ourselves then how can we love others as God loves us?

 

 

PSALM 42:3  SAYS:

My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, "where is your God?"

I KNOW MY GOD IS RIGHT HERE IN TH TEARS WITH ME.

 

I do know and believe PSALM 42:3

 

I do believe God for HIS love and healing and most of all HIS Grace - especially right now, right here, right in this very moment - I know I don't have HIS power but I can choose Not To Quit - Quitting is NOT an option! So enemy, get back because MY GOD HAS ME  and there is NO ROOM for you or your lies!

 

 

ROMANS 12:2

Do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what GOD wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to HIM and wha is perfect.

 

ROMANS 13:11-12

and do this, knowing the time that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness and let us put on the armor of light.

 

My Darkness is depression the dictionary defines depression as follows:

 

de·pres·sion

- noun

1. depressing or being depressed

2. area lower than the surrounding one

3. sadness or gloom

4. period of decline in business activity and employment

 

As this was not enough I have been told I am Bipolar....ok Bipolar is defined as:

bi·po·lar

[bahy-poh-ler]

- adjective

1. having two poles, as the earth

2. of, pertaining to, or found at both polar regions

3. characterized by opposite extremes, as two conflicting political philosophies

4. of or pertaining to a transistor that uses both positive and negative charge carriers

 

OK so that is the Dictionary definition; here is the medical dictionary definition:

What Is Bipolar I Disorder ?

Bipolar I Disorder is a type of bipolar disorder. It is an illness that can be severe and disabling, and affects about 1% of the population. People with Bipolar I Disorder experience intense emotional states called “mood episodes,” which are also called relapses or recurrences. More than 90% of people with Bipolar I Disorder experience these episodes repeatedly in their lifetimes. It’s the recurrence of mood episodes that characterizes Bipolar I Disorder .

Some symptoms of the different mood episodes that can occur are:

• Manic episode: irritability; high involvement in risky behavior; racing thoughts
  
• Depressive episode: extremely sad, hopeless, and despairing
  
• Mixed episode: Combination of manic and depressive symptoms

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT; WHAT I WAS JUST INFORMED OF LAST FRIDAY....

then we have a long weekend and no therapy session today, Monday; but the group leaders left us with an action plan & phone #'s incase we need "help" - I am very thankful for ALL of this.  You know something; this is a whole lot to absorb & digest and there is "no quick fix" I did not "arrive at this point" overnight and it won't be "fixed" overnight either.

So yes, for the person going through this (in this case ME) it's very hard to navigate, confusing, etc. I can't even imagine what it is like for my immediate family and my friends an co-workers.....I always have been told "you are strong, you are like the glue that holds us together, you have a cheery disposition..."

Well, the bottom (mine) fell out and I'm "free fallin" I KNOW GOD WILL CATCH ME. I need LOVE, SPPORT, UNDERSTANDING, FORGIVENESS & GOD'S GRACE right now. (in case any of you were "wondering" at this point)

 

I KNOW ONE OF THE REASONS I HAVE HELD ON FOR SO LONG:

 

ROMANS 10:13

Everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved.

 

GOD LOVES ME

 

Also I have a husband who loves me very much. I have 3 kids that love me, a step daughter that loves me, a brother that loves me, parents who love me....and a boat load of friends too!

 

 Let's not forget my 3 fur babies who would be lost without me: Buddy, Sadie Rose & Beau....& what about my flowers out front and back? So, please don't think that "I will give up or quit" nope, no way!

 

As Pastor Dave from my loving church (The Father's House Vacaville) put it: "I'm goin to Rome!"

 (check out the archives on TFH.org to see what I'm talking about 8-26-12)

 

 

Even in this "season of darkness" I have a lot to be greatful and thankful for; and I give glory, thanks & praise to GOD every day. 

 

 These last two scripture verses kind of help me to "put it in" some kind of perspective:

 

EPHESIANS 2:10

For we are HIS workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

 

&

 

JEREMIAH 29:11

For I know the ghoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of Peace and Not of evil, to Give you a Future and Hope.

 

 

God Bless You All & in case I have not said so lately or maybe at all:

I love you all and am very thankful for you too.

 

In God's Love,

 

Jeannette 9/3/2012